In my book, noted below, and my blog, I have often noted
the similarities and foundations of Netiquette. The article below really fascinates
me because I cannot imagine receiving an email, even a letter, with the attributes
of the content below.
Although some of it is dated, it does show a clarity and
consideration not often shown in its words. Perhaps the real benefit to be
taken from this is to combine the best of both worlds!
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The Art of Conversation: Timeless, Timely Do’s and Don’ts from 1866
by Maria Popova from brainpickings.org
“In disputes upon moral or scientific points, ever let your
aim be to come at truth, not to conquer your opponent. So you never shall be at
a loss in losing the argument, and gaining a new discovery.”
Manners today are often seen as a quaint subject that
belongs in Lord
Chesterfield’s outlandish advice on the art of pleasing or Esquire‘s dated
guide to dating. But in a culture where we regularly do online what
we’d never do in person and behave offline in ways our grandparents wouldn’t
have dared dream of even in their most defiant fantasies, there’s something to
be said for the lost art of, if not “manners,” politeness and simple respect in
communication. Though originally published in 1866, Martine’s Hand-book of Etiquette, and Guide to True
Politeness (public library; public domain;
free Kindle download) by Arthur Martine
contains a treasure trove of timeless — and increasingly timely — pointers on
the necessary art of living up to our social-animal destiny.
Martine contextualizes his mission:
Politeness has
been defined as an “artificial good-nature;” but it would be better said that
good-nature is natural politeness. It inspires us with an unremitting
attention, both to please others and to avoid giving them offense. Its code is
a ceremonial, agreed upon and established among mankind, to give each other
external testimonies of friendship or respect. Politeness and etiquette form a
sort of supplement to the law, which enables society to protect itself against
offenses which the law cannot touch. For instance, the law cannot punish a man
for habitually staring at people in an insolent and annoying manner, but
etiquette can banish such an offender from the circles of good society, and fix
upon him the brand of vulgarity. Etiquette consists in certain forms,
ceremonies, and rules which the principle of politeness establishes and
enforces for the regulation of the manners of men and women in their
intercourse with each other.
The true aim of politeness, is to make
those with whom you associate as well satisfied with themselves as possible. …
Politeness is a sort of social benevolence, which avoids wounding the pride, or
shocking the prejudices of those around you.
But he offers an important
disclaimer:
[Politeness] must be cultivated, for
the promptings of nature are eminently selfish, and courtesy and good-breeding
are only attainable by effort and discipline. But even courtesy has limits
where dignity should govern it, for when carried to excess, particularly in
manner, it borders on sycophancy, which is almost as despicable as rudeness. To
overburden people with attention; to render them uncomfortable with a
prodigality of proffered services; to insist upon obligations which they do not
desire, is not only to render yourself disagreeable, but contemptible.
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In addition to this blog, Netiquette IQ has a website with great assets which are being added to on a regular basis. I have authored the premiere book on Netiquette, “Netiquette IQ - A Comprehensive Guide to Improve, Enhance and Add Power to Your Email". My new book, “You’re Hired! Super Charge Your Email Skills in 60 Minutes. . . And Get That Job!” will be published soon follow by a trilogy of books on Netiquette for young people. You can view my profile, reviews of the book and content excerpts at:
www.amazon.com/author/paulbabicki
If you would like to listen to experts in all aspects of Netiquette and communication, try my radio show on BlogtalkRadio Additionally, I provide content for an online newsletter via paper.li. I have also established Netiquette discussion groups with Linkedin and Yahoo. I am also a member of the International Business Etiquette and Protocol Group and Minding Manners among others. Further, I regularly consult for the Gerson Lehrman Group, a worldwide network of subject matter experts and have been a contributor to numerous blogs and publications.
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am the founder and president of Tabula
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