What is the best Netiquette for dealing with someone who has been shamed on the Internet? Basic Netiquette discourages the piling on mentality so common today. It is fine to express your feelings about an issue
It is best to keep in mind that anything you say or do will be recorded somewhere probably for many years.
Perhaps the real answer is that we should not allow the Internet to be a mob mentality driven platform for sometimes less than critical events, particularly when there are wars, famine, pollution and so many horrible things occurring. Let's make the Internet a place for fairness and putting things in the proper perspective. The article below reflect some of the extreme reactions which occur.
The price of public shaming in the Internet age
Updated 1737 GMT (0037 HKT) April 16, 2015
Public shaming in the Internet age
After this picture of Lindsey Stone at
Arlington National Cemetery went viral, she was fired from a job working with
autistic children and fell into a depression. "Literally, overnight
everything I knew and loved was gone," she told Jon Ronson. In a
statement, she apologized: "We
never meant to cause any harm or disrespect to anyone, particularly our men and
women in uniform," she said. Ronson later helped her adjust her Google
search results.
Public shaming in the
Internet age
Not long after Adria Richards posted this
photo of two unnamed men at a tech conference, calling them out for a joke she
overheard, the one on the left was fired. "I did not mean to offend
anyone," he apologized. Then
Richards was sent death threats, and her employer's servers were attacked. She
was soon fired, too. In a statement, she said that
"I want to be an integral part of a diverse, core group of individuals
that comes together in a spirit of healing and openness to devise answers to
the many questions that have arisen in the last week."
Public shaming in the Internet age
Adam Mark Smith wanted to protest a
Chick-fil-A executive's statements about same-sex marriage. His video, which showed him raising his voice
against a Chick-fil-A employee, went viral. He apologized the next day: "I am so very
sorry for the way I spoke to you," he told the employee. However, after
his initial video caused a firestorm, he was fired.
Public shaming in the Internet age
PR executive Justine Sacco was fired after a
2013 tweet, intended as a joke, went viral. "Words cannot express how
sorry I am, and how necessary it is for me to apologize to the people of South
Africa, who I have offended due to a needless and careless tweet," she said in a statement.
After Trevor Noah was named the new host of
"The Daily Show," he quickly became caught in controversy over some
of his tweets. He was accused of anti-Semitism and sexism. "To
reduce my views to a handful of jokes that didn't land is not a true reflection
of my character, nor my evolution as a comedian," Noah said. Comedy Central stood by him.
Public shaming in the Internet age
Not long after Adria Richards posted this
photo of two unnamed men at a tech conference, calling them out for a joke she
overheard, the one on the left was fired. "I did not mean to offend
anyone," he apologized. Then
Richards was sent death threats, and her employer's servers were attacked. She
was soon fired, too. In a statement, she said that
"I want to be an integral part of a diverse, core group of individuals
that comes together in a spirit of healing and openness to devise answers to
the many questions that have arisen in the last week."
Public shaming in the Internet age
Adam Mark Smith wanted to protest a
Chick-fil-A executive's statements about same-sex marriage. His video, which showed him raising his voice
against a Chick-fil-A employee, went viral. He apologized the next day: "I am so very
sorry for the way I spoke to you," he told the employee. However, after
his initial video caused a firestorm, he was fired.
PR executive Justine Sacco was fired after a
2013 tweet, intended as a joke, went viral. "Words cannot express how
sorry I am, and how necessary it is for me to apologize to the people of South
Africa, who I have offended due to a needless and careless tweet," she said in a statement.
·
Jon Ronson's new
public shaming book titled "So You've Been Publicly Shamed"
·
In Internet age,
Ronson says, shaming is often disproportional
·
Social media piles on,
and what was a misstep gets magnified
(CNN)Do you believe in
forgiveness? Do you believe in second chances?
Of course you do. Everybody makes mistakes. To err is human, to
forgive divine. Right?
Not in the age of social media.
Take Victor Paul Alvarez. In January, the Boston reporter wrote
a brief news story containing a bad joke about John Boehner. The wrath of
social media fell on his head. Despite an apology, he was fired. Three
months later, he's still looking for full-time work.
Or Adam Mark Smith? He was rude to a Chick-Fil-A worker on
YouTube. Had to sell his house and move to a new city.
Or Justine Sacco. She's the public relations executive who tweeted, "Going
to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just kidding. I'm white!" Thanks to
public shaming, she lost her job and was left wandering in the wilderness.
All stupid acts. All perhaps worthy of some kind of punishment.
But is this justice?
Jon Ronson wonders.
The British journalist is the author of "So You've Been
Publicly Shamed," which looks at the piling-on phenomenon.
In centuries past, villagers would cast out the dishonored.
Colonial Americans had the stockade. Nathaniel Hawthorne's Hester Prynne had to
wear a scarlet "A." Still, for most, the punishment was finite.
These days, it's not enough for someone who's screwed up to be
rebuked. Even an apology and remorse are rarely enough.
On social media -- Twitter especially, with its global reach and
lack of irony -- that person must be destroyed. Trevor Noah becomes the new
host of "The Daily Show"? Suddenly, like political operatives doing
opposition research, every last speck of his existence
is pored over, with his missteps magnified into capital crimes.
"It's so corrosive to create that kind of society,"
Ronson said in a phone interview. "This desire we have to be like amateur
detectives, (looking for) clues into people's inherent evil by finding the
worst tweet they ever wrote, is not only wrong; it's damaging."
Father James Martin, the editor-at-large of America magazine and
a Roman Catholic priest, observes that what starts out as disapproval ends up
"as a complete shaming of the person." The biblical admonition of
"an eye for an eye," after all, was a way to describe proportionate
justice, not go overboard.
The new shaming is much more relentless.
"There's a real cruelty that comes with this mob
mentality," he said. "I sometimes compare it to bullies in a
schoolyard all ganging up on person who, for one second, said the wrong
thing."
Going viral, going
down
Martin makes it clear that there are distinctions.
If someone says something offensive, others are certainly
allowed to respond. And if the person is a public figure who says something
"outrageously sexist or racist or homophobic, then perhaps it would be
appropriate that that person resign his or her position," he said.
But, he added, the idea "that the person should have to pay
for it the rest of his or her life is unjust." Even death row inmates are
more than the worst act they've ever committed, he observes.
Smith wonders whether he'll always be followed by his worst act.
Public shaming trend growing on social media
On August 1, 2012, Smith posted a video of himself haranguing a
Chick-fil-A employee at a drive-through. The chain had become a political
football in the aftermath of an executive's statements about gay marriage, and
Smith didn't like the stance.
"I was thinking I was going to make a difference," he
told CNN.
By the next morning, Smith was regretting his rudeness. He
posted an apology and attempted to apologize in person to the drive-through
worker. (She didn't want to talk.) By the time he got to work, however, the
situation was out of his control.
The video went viral, and Smith -- the CFO of a Tucson,
Arizona-based medical device manufacturer -- lost his well-paying job.
That was bad enough, but things were going to get worse. Over
the next 72 hours, his e-mail was filled with vitriolic threats. His personal
information was released, including the address for his children's school.
Letters were nailed to his front door.
He says he flipped back and forth between anger and wondering
whether he deserved his fate.
"There was a tremendous amount of shame I felt. There were
truths: I was rude. I didn't feel good about my side of the street," he
said. "And then there were elements of 'no, I don't (deserve this). This
is not right.' So I was on both sides depending on the minute."
What's been more discouraging has been how the episode has
dogged him. On the advice of an attorney, he kept the incident private after
taking a new job in Portland, Oregon, only to be asked to resign when the news
got out. Since then, he's been up-front with prospective employers and even
been offered jobs, but before long, they pull back -- even if they were
initially OK with the information.
It's been rough, he says.
"I went into depression, and I had to pull myself out of
this place where I had to realize that that was not who I am," he said. At
one point, he says, he considered suicide. At least that way his family could
be provided for.
'I know I'm not that
guy'
Alvarez hasn't gone through the same extremes as Smith, but he's
also struggled in the aftermath of a bad moment.
In January, a news item revealed that John Boehner's bartender
had planned to poison the House speaker. Alvarez, then a Boston.com editor,
wrote a story cracking a joke about Boehner's liver, drawing the ire of
Boehner's spokesman.
The story soon caused an uproar, and although Alvarez was
initially assured that things would blow over, they didn't. He was given his
walking papers within 48 hours, amid a sea of angry postings.
He apologized, going through every Twitter message and sending a
personal note of acknowledgment.
He's been freelancing since losing his job, and he's still
awaiting another full-time chance.
"I know that I'm not that guy," he said. "The
person who was struggling to put topspin on a story and came up with that lame
joke, I know that's not me. Now I'm trying to figure out the writer I'm going
to be."
In his book, Ronson investigates ways of combating the lingering
impact of public shaming, since the Internet is seemingly forever. Fame and
fortune help, as can be inferred by the number of celebrities still active
after disastrous posts.
On the other hand, if you're a nobody, the terrible event can be
debilitating. Ronson decided to assist one shaming victim by enlisting a
reputation manager, a person who cleans up Google search results.
Alvarez's poor joke is still following him around. However, he
says, he's not worried about his legacy.
"If anything, I'm very proud of how I handled the fallout,
and someone who wants to hire me and decides not to because they didn't take
the time to look at how I handled basically the worst week of my life isn't
someone I'd want to work for," he said. "It's easy to be your best
when nothing bad has happened to you."
'Kindness and
compassion works'
There have been positive uses for Internet shaming, says Ronson.
He praises Twitter hashtags, such as #blacklivesmatter, #whyIstayed and
#Yesallwomen, for highlighting social issues that were once hidden.
"A shaming campaign can be really, really powerful,"
he said. There's less homophobia, for example, because of such campaigns.
Nevertheless, he wishes there were more willingness to pause
before firing, to put ourselves in another's shoes.
Ronson spoke to another disgraced person, former New Jersey Gov.
Jim McGreevey, who left office after a scandal that prompted him to out himself
as gay. McGreevey now devotes his time to a prison-based therapeutic community.
As Ronson observes, McGreevey is building on the work of
psychiatrist James Gilligan, who describes violence as an attempt to replace
shame with self-esteem. Gilligan has spent decades working with prisoners and
mental patients, and the solution, he believes, is to simply treat people with
respect.
McGreevey has earned a divinity degree and spends a portion of
his outreach trying to instill inmates with self-respect.
Ronson was moved by McGreevey's efforts.
"Kindness and compassion works," he said. "If
we're serious about wanting to improve the world, what McGreevey does is what
works, and what we do on Twitter doesn't work."
Ronson knows it's a tough sell -- outrage and demonization can
be more satisfying than compassion -- but has hopes that the trend lines are
pointing his way. He observes that Monica Lewinsky, once the poster child for
public shaming, has given people pause with her recent writings and TED talk.
"I think people will have to change, because there's
clearly something wrong and it has to correct itself," he said.
Martin, the priest, puts it in classic biblical terms.
"I would quote Jesus: 'Let you who is without sin cast the
first stone,' " he said. "What happens is, (the shaming) destroys a
person's life and livelihood, which is unjust. And it goes against the
Christian message of forgiveness."
Still, the shaming continues.
Smith, the former CFO, says he's "back now." He's
written a book, "Million Dollar Cup of Water," about his experience
and his journey to self-discovery. After a rocky patch, his 18-year marriage is
strong, and his children know they are very much loved, he says. He's now
starting to work as a life coach.
"I know who I am," Smith said.
Others, though, may never let the incident go.
As of Thursday, of the 144 Amazon reviews for Smith's book, 85
give it one star.
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Have you ever wondered how it would be if your email suddenly came to life? You are about to find out.
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Have you ever wondered how it would be if your email suddenly came to life? You are about to find out.
