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6 Ways to Ruin an Email
Alyssa BereznakTech Columnist January 30, 2015 from
yahoo.com
Continuing with
my January series on feigned self-improvement, I dive deeper into the familiar and
exhausting practice of email writing, an art and an affliction.
If you are an
overworked human like most of us, your inbox is probably an abyss of unanswered
messages, relentless promotions, and forwarded chain messages from your Aunt
Kathy. In fact, it is probably very rare that you get an email you actually
enjoy reading.
Perhaps, you,
too, have been the culprit of writing a garbage email. It’s not entirely your
fault. It may be our general disenchantment with the inbox, but many of us have
become mediocre email writers, people we prefer not to be.
We do not
expect greatness in our virtual mail bin, and therefore we do not deliver it
either.
But your
mediocrity ends in 2015. Below are some of the most typical email offenses to
avoid. Take notes, people; you’ll need them.
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You.
Excessive
exclamation mark usage
As New
York Magazine's Science of Us recently observed, “the exclamation mark, once reserved for
expressing joy or excitement, now simply marks baseline politeness.” This is
unfortunately true, due to the fact that (as research suggests) it’s much harder to convey emotion via
text. Still, there’s a fine line between showing good intentions and sounding
like you’re on speed.
As a rule,
limit an email to two exclamation points at most. Don’t use one after a
salutation or a farewell, because that’s just unnecessary. Reserve them
for statements that might otherwise be misinterpreted as demanding, cold, or
unfeeling (see this Onion article for reference). Never use two or more in a row
unless you are intentionally mocking your preceding statement.
Dreaming Of A Better Future?
You might be thinking, what does
this girl know about punctuation? Barely anything! But I do spend at least
eight hours every day being annoyed by the Internet.
Canned
white-collar worker speak
A cruel lingual
disease grabs hold after you enter the workforce. Phrases like “please advise,”
“going forward, “looping in X,” or “let’s circle back on this” seep into our
lexicon and therefore our emails. They are the bane of the email-buried thought
worker’s existence, the equivalent of staring at a screen full of 0s and 1s for
hours at a time.
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This language can be easily avoided
and/or made fun of, depending on your superior’s sense of humor. Next time you
catch yourself writing a phrase that sounds like something out of an episode of
The Office, take a moment to translate whatever phrase you were about to
write down. “Please advise” can become “What do you think?” “Looping in X” can
become “I’m including X in this conversation, because she’d be a helpful person
to have on this project.”
Mostly,
don’t abandon your personality for the sake of brevity. Make jokes. Be real.
Point out the absurdity of America’s standard workplace communication
practices. People will answer your emails (and like you more) if they’re fun to
receive.
Unnecessary
formalities
There’s a
reason that old fancy people like Jean-Paul Sartre used to start his letters to Simone de Beauvoir with “My dear little
girl” (aside from being tragically French). It’s because those letters took
time to arrive. He needed to convey tenderness and longing between postage
deliveries.
Now it takes,
at most, a few seconds to send an email. Which means it’s acceptable to drop
some of the typical conventions you might find in an IRL paper letter.
So, if you’re
reaching out to someone, you should definitely start with “Hi X” or, if they
are a considerable pay grade above you and you’ve never come close to an
introduction, “Dear X.” You should also finish off the message with a “Thanks,”
or “Best,” again depending on your professional distance.
But as soon as
the conversation gets going, there’s no need to continue with the
greetings and farewells. If an adult human is using email to communicate, they
will not be offended by your lack of pleasantries in a fast-paced digital
conversation. This is a chance for brevity. Take it.
Inappropriately
playful sign-off phrases
When it comes
to signature farewells, please remain conservative. Don’t try to be a hero.
“Sincerely,” for instance, is kind of dated. “Yours truly,” or “As ever,” are
weirdly intimate and trying too hard. “Cheers” feels imposter-y and British.
“Best” is bland but fine, the equivalent of putting a blank space before a
comma. Usually your best bet is “Thanks.” It’s appropriate because you just
made a person read an email, and they deserve gratitude for that. It could also
be “THANKS” if someone actually did you a huge favor.
Remember, there
is no one right sign-off. Adapt your tone based on the recipient. My goodbyes
to Beyoncé versus, say, Donald Trump, would be entirely different.
A long,
self-important postscript
It’s wonderful
that you’ve figured out to permanently stamp every email you write with your
name and title. But that does not give you the authority to write a small
biography on your life. Please keep the list of accomplishments and social
handles short. At most, you should have your name, title, company, two phone
numbers, and ONLY one social handle.
Do not include
a quote from Gandhi or Mother Teresa or anyone, really. If you email often with
a person about mundane things, ultimately the content of your messages will
look ridiculous alongside an inspirational quote. Nothing says “I’m a
jerk” like a gossipy email about Jill from HR’s outfit followed by a quote
that says “My life is my message.”
Diseased and
or/colored lettering, such as Papyrus or Comic Sans
Fonts have
connotations. Like, if I sit down at a restaurant whose menu is written in
Comic Sans, I pretty much expect to get food poisoning. The same judgment
applies to the words in your emails. Unless you are a graphic designer whose
font judgment is sought after, do not stylize the default text on your emails.
Or enlarge it. Or make it colorful. Dear God, don’t make it colorful.
Follow these
easy tips, my dear desk-chained employees, and your digital existence might
just get better. If it doesn’t, consider more extreme measures.
Knowledge Base article (KB3000483).
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In addition to this blog, Netiquette IQ has a website with great assets which are being added to on a regular basis. I have authored the premiere book on Netiquette, “Netiquette IQ - A Comprehensive Guide to Improve, Enhance and Add Power to Your Email". My new book, “You’re Hired! Super Charge Your Email Skills in 60 Minutes. . . And Get That Job!” will be published soon follow by a trilogy of books on Netiquette for young people. You can view my profile, reviews of the book and content excerpts at:
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If you would like to listen to experts in all aspects of Netiquette and communication, try my radio show on BlogtalkRadio Additionally, I provide content for an online newsletter via paper.li. I have also established Netiquette discussion groups with Linkedin and Yahoo. I am also a member of the International Business Etiquette and Protocol Group and Minding Manners among others. Further, I regularly consult for the Gerson Lehrman Group, a worldwide network of subject matter experts and have been a contributor to numerous blogs and publications.
===================================
**Important note** - contact our sister company for very powerful solutions for IP management (IPv4 and IPv6, security, firewall and APT solutions:
www.tabularosa.net
In addition to this blog, Netiquette IQ has a website with great assets which are being added to on a regular basis. I have authored the premiere book on Netiquette, “Netiquette IQ - A Comprehensive Guide to Improve, Enhance and Add Power to Your Email". My new book, “You’re Hired! Super Charge Your Email Skills in 60 Minutes. . . And Get That Job!” will be published soon follow by a trilogy of books on Netiquette for young people. You can view my profile, reviews of the book and content excerpts at:
www.amazon.com/author/paulbabicki
If you would like to listen to experts in all aspects of Netiquette and communication, try my radio show on BlogtalkRadio Additionally, I provide content for an online newsletter via paper.li. I have also established Netiquette discussion groups with Linkedin and Yahoo. I am also a member of the International Business Etiquette and Protocol Group and Minding Manners among others. Further, I regularly consult for the Gerson Lehrman Group, a worldwide network of subject matter experts and have been a contributor to numerous blogs and publications.
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am the founder and president of Tabula
Rosa Systems, a company that provides “best of breed” products for network,
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